Leadership in Action: Building Social Capital

Leadership in Action is a Leadership Development interview series spotlighting remarkable women in Singapore and their insights on building trust, relationships, and community. In this episode of In Conversation with YWLC, we explore social capital: the trust, goodwill, connections, and relationships you intentionally cultivate over time with people to mobilise support, create opportunities, and drive meaningful change together when it matters.

In this interview, we spotlight Huijia Phua, Founding Director of Skillseed, a Singaporean social enterprise founded in 2013 that builds collaborative communities of deep trust. Over the past 13 years, Huijia and her team have journeyed with communities on the ground through initiatives like their flagship Resilience Trails programme, co-created with citizens from under-resourced families, and have trained more than 8,000 leaders across the public, private, people, and the fourth sectors. 

Below, Huijia shares her thoughts on embracing vulnerability, maintaining authentic relationships, and the difference between a network and a community.

Q: How can we build social capital? What are two or three small habits that build it over time? 

Huijia: Start small. Social capital simply relationship-building, which ultimately comes down to building trust. Two daily habits I recommend:

1. Reflect and express gratitude regularly. Take time each day or week to ask not just what you are grateful for, but who. When something reminds you of someone, tell them, even if it stems from  something from many moons ago. A short text ("This really brightened my day, just dropping a note to say thank you!") is all it takes.

2. Praise generously. In the workplace, we are often so task- and efficiency-focused that we forget to affirm each other, as peers, as colleagues, and even upwards. A few sentences of genuine appreciation ("That advice was really clarifying, thank you") cost very little time but could mean a lot. We take too much of this for granted.

Q: From your experience, what is one mistake that you see people make when trying to build relationships, whether at work or in general?

Huijia: I will share my own mistake: not embracing vulnerability. 

There were times I felt too constrained to be authentic about the challenges I was facing, which stopped me from reaching out or connecting deeply. But I have learned that if we do not share, people simply do not know. And when they do not know, they may assume we do not care, because the human mind tends to default towards negative interpretations.

Now I try to be open: "During this period I may be quieter, or more anxious. I am going through some health issues, and it is affecting how I show up. I hope you understand." 

When you share what is really going on, people appreciate it. They sense that you trust them with the truth, that deepens the relationship rather than damaging it. They stop second-guessing why you have gone quiet.

Q: Having trained over 8,000 people, do you think men and women build social capital differently at work? 

Huijia: Personally I lean away from framing this as a gender difference, and towards personality types and preferences instead.

• Introverts versus Extroverts. Introverts often prefer intimate, one-on-one engagement, while extroverts frequently draw energy from gathering a crowd.

• Different "Love Languages". Some people connect through words, others through acts of service, and others through body language, such as a look or a pat on the back. Body language plays a huge role in how we communicate.

The real skill lies in discernment: your giving love language may differ from someone else's preferred one. You might express love through hugs, but if someone values personal space, that gesture will not land well. Be intentional about finding out how each stakeholder, whether family, colleague, or partner, actually prefers to be engaged.

Q: I build relationships easily, but struggle to maintain them and feel guilty about it. How do you manage and maintain a network?

Huijia: First, be kind to yourself. We all wear many hats and have limited bandwidth, so it is okay to prioritise. Two steps help:

1. Discern why you want to keep in touch. Before you can prioritise, name the reason. Is this someone you genuinely want as a friend, or someone you connect with more professionally? Both are valid.

2. Be genuine, and be upfront. People discern authenticity from the gut. If your interest is professional, frame it relationally: "I noticed you are great at building a network. That is something I would love to learn from. Could I buy you coffee?" The worst approach is presenting yourself as wanting friendship when you actually want something else.

When you start from that genuine place, maintenance stops feeling like a burden. Friendships flow naturally, and professional relationships can be lightly structured, say a monthly check-in, so that expectations are aligned and you are not stuck wondering, "Should I message them this week?"

Q: Reaching out only when we need a favour can feel awkward and transactional. How do we build relationships that do not feel that way? 

Huijia: My primary rule tip is to approach every engagement as if it were the last, so that you leave people feeling it was "life-giving". In any interaction, you either drain someone's energy like a battery, or you give them life. Be the person who gives life.

Think of it like a bank account. The good feeling you leave someone with is a fixed deposit. Even if it only grows at 0.01% because you rarely pop up, it is still there, quietly growing like a seed. So when you reach out again months or years later, the goodwill has not eroded, and they respond warmly because the last engagement was a positive one.

And when you do need to ask a favour, make the relationship, not the ask, the priority, and give the person genuine space to say no. Compare "Can I have your contacts, please?" with: "I know we have not spoken in a while, and I hope you are well. I know this is sudden, so please feel free to turn me down. But if you have a little time, I would be grateful for your perspective, because..." The difference is empathy. The person feels understood, and knows they are free to decline.

Q: Is your network your net worth, and what actually separates a network from a community? 

Huijia: There is always an element of serendipity, but you can be very intentional. And yes, your network is your net worth, not only in financial terms but in the emotional capital and blessings that flow from your social connections. 

When I was younger I would wait to be invited, and feel sad when I was not. As I grew wiser, I took an asset-based approach: recognise that you have gifts too (mine is humour), and offer yours first. Take the first step, and it is okay if it is not reciprocated.

The difference between a network and a community is a sense of belonging. You can have an extensive contact list, but a community exists where people care about the same things and care about you personally. You build that belonging by listening first, going to where people are, and finding common ground, then offering a gift, whether a batch of cookies, a joke, or a warm word, and noticing who responds and how you feel. Belonging is something you feel in your gut, when your dignity is promoted and you feel seen. If it does not happen in one setting, be kind to yourself, as your tribe may simply be elsewhere.

And when starting your own community, take the smallest possible step. Find that one person who shares your values, go where they are, and be patient, because relationships grow like a seed into a tree. Crucially, do not mistake trust-building for merely being nice. The foundations are being effective and being consistent. If you keep flaking, trust erodes no matter how warm you are. Reliability comes first, and then you layer on empathy and dignity.

Q: One piece of advice for young women trying to build their social capital and meaningful relationships?

Huijia: Find that one person. 

Just one, someone you can build a genuinely trusted relationship with, where honest feedback flows both ways without damaging the bond. When they tell you something difficult for you to hear, you can trust that it comes from a good place, from someone who wants you to become a better version of yourself, and receive it with gratitude rather than defensiveness. 

That one person will journey with you for life and equip you to navigate every other connection more effectively.Start with just one.

Author: Rachel Koh

In Conversation with YWLC is a podcast by YWLC's Leadership Development Subcommittee, spotlighting remarkable women in Singapore. For more information, reach out to leadership@ywlc.org.sg